Friday, 26 September 2008

It's a Duggar Wedding Craptacular!

It's Josh Duggar's wedding day!

Gee, it seems like just yesterday he was talking about finding a life partner and becoming a lawyer. Now look at him! He's getting married and working at a used car dealership! *sniff* They grow up so fast, and before you know it they have children in the double digits and are buying their first family bus.

In honour of this happy, happy day, I am thrilled to bring you a preview of the festivities:

Anna's wedding dress:

Stylin'.

The wedding cake:
Klassy.

The page boy:
Those Duggars, so generous. They know a wedding is a perfect opportunity to bring in the lost souls of the cameramen who will be filming for the Discovery Channel. Just make sure little J'Duggar doesn't block the shot of the happy couple sharing their first hand holding.

My gift to them:

Wedding night jitters? Worried about fullfilling your wifely duty while also remaining modest? Choose Fundie Undies! The only underwear that allows you to sanctify your union without uncovering your shame cave or having to see his god stick.


Bonus special preview, this time next year:


J'Double J'Wedding!
In an extra special sweeps episode of Survivor:Uterus (The All-Star, All-Duggar edition), how will the Duggars plan for the double wedding of twins Jana and John-David to their respective beloveds while also managing heavily pregnant Michelle and Anna Duggar? Will the twins make it down the aisle before the Matron of Honour and
the mother of the bride and groom go into labour? And can they keep John David and his intended apart before she works out he is a little bit 'special'? Whatever happens, you can guarantee there will be fun, laughter and ankle-length skirts for all concerned.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your so rude!!! Its a nice family trying to make a good living. Not hurting anyone. I think its that others are jealouse of them. It sad that you feel the need to poke fun at people like that!

Plumbob said...

Anonymous, you are correct: I am rude.
But you are incorrect that I am "jealouse" of them. I am not jealous of people who are encouraged to get married when they are still kids (and yes, I consider 20 to be a kid, especially if you have never lived outside of home, never gone to school, never had any kind of life outside of your strange family). I am not jealous of people who aren't allowd to express themselves through their own choice of hairstyle, clothing, hobbies, books, TV shows, films, social groups, lifestyles. I am not jealous of girls who are expected to raise children and keep house when it wasn't their choice to bring all those kids into the world. I am not jealous of girls who would never be allowed to consider terminating a pregnancy if they had the misfortune of being raped.

As for whether the Duggars are hurting anyone, that's debatable. I would argue that they are hurting the planet with their need to replicate themselves far beyond the replacement rate. I would also argue that they are hurting their children by not allowing them to be individuals or have any degree of autonomy in their own lives. Imagine if one of those kids is gay? Do you think he or she feels that they can come out of the closet and still be accepted?

MaLeah said...

I think this is hilarious plumbob! I was looking up "Anna Duggar Pregnant" on google and found your site. I figured she was already pregnant by now since they mentioned having kids on their wedding home page. I do think it is strange indeed that they would be encouraged to be married and not even allowed to kiss one another before. But they were allowed to hold hands after they decided they were getting married. I say I don't even buy a pair of shoes before trying them on first. ha.ha.

Jude said...

Oh, this is just classic. I was uncomfortable, to say the least, while watching the much acclaimed engagement episode. The awkward laughter, crazy double hand holding and blank expressions on their faces were just too much. The outdated hair and long skirts are just the tip of the iceberg with this clan. I have nothing against being really into church and lack of birth control, so i'll continue to watch the show just to see how obsessed with one thing some people can be. I'm glad I test drove my potential life partners before i purchased, otherwise you never know what you could end up with.

Anonymous said...

Duggars are super-shady folks. Trying to get their house zoned as a church so it's tax free. But they already pay super low taxes... like $130 for 2007. And that's for a 7,000 sq ft house on 20 acres.

Shady!

God would be so proud of them!

Plumbob said...

It is very interesting to me that so many hardcore religious people seem to be small government/low taxes types as well. I used to think it was a matter of the right wing standing for their social conservative views and they really had little interest in the economic policies, but I have come to notice that strong views on social conservatism very often do correlate with economic conservatism.

I guess the Duggars and their ilk forget that little passage about rendering unto Ceasar, and they chose to ignore the fact that taxes help the most vulnerable in society. You know, those people Jesus was most interested in helping.

Carolyn said...

You must be really insecure to write this middle school style drivel. Why don't you use your energy to help the homeless or others in need?

It is obvious that the Duggars are raising children who are far more mature than you are.

Krystal said...

I think this is hilarious! Thanks for the laughs =) I also find it mildly disturbing that the Duggar girls wear their hair long because (as Jinger said) "Our dad likes long hair, so we keep ours long to please him." Ok..um *GaG* I still don't get the whole 1800's style dress. I understand they are conservative, but God doesn't judge us by our clothes. This family seems innocent enough in their beliefs and lifestyle, but like many others have stated, it's also robbing their children of ever having their OWN life (the woman stays home, barefoot & pregnant as much as possible, while the man is the "bread winner", etc). I sometimes wonder...is there gonna be a rebel in this family? Honestly, I hope so.

Anonymous said...

It's sad to see how "low" our society (your article) have gotten.
As far as waiting until marriage to be physically/sexually involved. Trust me, you don't have to have sex before marriage to be good at it. My husband and I waited (even though it was hard) to have sex until we were married. By doing this, our relationship is built on love for each other, not each other's bodies. If it works so well to "test drive" your potential partners...than why are there so many divorces? Maybe it's because there isn't true love in the relationship and people get bored with each other and move on.
As far as their hair and clothes...they aren't supressed, they are free from the control of society and "fads". Most of our country is constantly stressed to try to keep up with what is "in"..I find it quite refreshing to see people who will do what they believe instead of just following what is popular or "in" this month.
As far as abortion...aren't you glad someone chose to see you as a life, a person instead of "tissue", a "misfortune"? Yes, rape,etc..are terrible but does one "wrong" make another "wrong" right? Abortion is murder. I don't care how conception happens..it's a life.
It's sad that innocense is mocked. And, in my opinion, you would benefit greatly (and possible mature) if you would learn and thing or two from the Duggars. My guess is they are much happier than you. And..I would also guess they have a much better sex life. There is no sex like sex with someone that loves you and that you love.
And, last, but not least, there is no honor or position greater than being a mother and shaping lives. Mrs Duggar would have nothing different I am sure. Children are the greatest treasures in life..not a degree, a position, or social success.

Plumbob said...

Anon, I don't think anyone could call this an article. It's more a collection of cheap shots :P


Aren't I glad my mother didn't abort me? Um, no. Not really. If I had been aborted I wouldn't have known what I was missing. That is like saying "hey, don't you miss all those good times you had with your little brother Billy, you know- the one you would have had if your father hadn't just settled for jerking off in the shower on that fateful day many years ago?"

NurseCook said...

LMAO!!! Seriously, I needed this. Why is it that the ones who are in support of the Duggar cult have the worst grammar? Just an observation...

Anonymous said...

This site is hillarious!

I don't think anyone said anything about sex before marriage. They only mentioned not being allowed to kiss before marriage.

These are typical iditos taking everything to an extreme.

The next thing you know one of those kids is going to flip from a lack of parental attention or being forced raise their brothers and sisters and shoot up a school.

NavyWings said...

NurseCook,

Nice catch and I'm glad you brought that up. I noticed it too. I seem to recall the Duggar's getting quite a bit of government assistance. So aren't we, the taxpayers, raising their kids? I don't seem to recall getting a cut on the decision to have 18 friggin kids.

The supporters of the Duggars' choice to abstain from even dating before marriage cite how much more "special" it is. I know this path. I DID this path. after 18 years I got divorced just like the other highest percentage of divorces among evangelical Christians. What they seem to ignore is how dating develops your ability to handle an emotional and intimate relationship. You don't begin that learning on your wedding night. Idiots.

My daughter, now 22 is getting married in May to her first boyfriend, and she's his first girlfriend. Do I support it? No. Why? I've done it. Statistics say it's more than likely to fail. But what do I know? they say they're "in love." How do you know what romantic love is when you've never experienced either it or the heartache that goes along with it?

Classic case of brainwashing. They are living what they've been taught from childhood. No independent thought there.

Anonymous said...

You know Plumb bob...

You are just such an IDIOT!!!

If you don;t know what are you talking about just SHUT your FREAKIN mouth up!!!

Such a BIG LOSER!!!

Plumbob said...

Dear Anon,
It's Plumbob. Just one word.
Smooches!
Plumbob

NavyWings said...

Plumbob,

Why is it people like anon present such a logical and witty comeback? ;)

Erin said...

Ha ha, thanks for making me laugh. Great blog... cheers!

Chastity Belte said...

This is the funniest thing I have read all day. I don't get all the fanfare surrounding these creepy weirdos. The Fundie Undies made me literally LOL!

I'd better not talk to you anymore though - you seem to be a male, and I a female, and if I talk to you without mom and dad watching, it might lead to some fornicatin'.

Plumbob said...

Don't worry Chastity, I am also the gatekeeper of my own shame cave. We can talk as long as the conversation sticks to wholesome topics like guarding our modesty and cleaning skid marks from our older brothers' underthings.

Now excuse me while I get back to birthing this here baybee.

erin said...

It's official plumbob, we have the same thoughts in terms of The Duggars. Those poor Duggars. None of them will go to college. That Joshua has so much intellectual potential. I just think Michelle and Jim Bob are a bit selfish. Someone needs to tell Michelle that its not God thats "blessing" her with children. Its Jim Bobs god stick.

Liza J said...

This is amazing, I was cracking up by the end of it. The Duggar family always made me a little wary, and for some reason whenever I see pictures of them I can't help but think what those kids who share rooms are getting up to at night, they all seem pretty incestual to me. Also - do they have any friends? If they're home schooled I guess they never leave their house, man that is so creepy. I personally find it sort of weird and I'm glad I'm not a part of it.

I am also waiting for one of the kids to be like, "F off mom and dad, I'm a lesbian and I'm running away to be a prostitute!!" That will be a great day.

bre said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bre said...

Well, here's a thought. I feel sorry for Anna. There's a lot of reasons to feel for her, but here's another one: when you're dating, like normal teenagers date, by "watching a movie" (sucking face) in your parents' basement, you can always say, "I'm not ready to have sex yet." For whatever reason you have, it doesn't even have to be because Jesus hates sex that ain't for procreating! Like wanting to get to know each other better, wanting to go out longer, wanting to get birth control figured out, etc. Anna, however, if she doesn't feel comfortable having sex on the wedding night, can't say this. Since they're already married, you know Josh would invoke the wrath of God if she didn't allow him to "know her in the biblical sense," as they say. And my point is, she certainly might feel that way, after diligently guarding her chastity and modesty all those years. I can't imagine having sex on the same day that I had my first kiss. It kinda makes sense to work up to as you get to know the person and your comfort level with physical intimacy increases. But call me old-fashioned, I guess if the lord tells you it's ok, then who cares how you feel about it! I sure hope the lord doesn't tell me that I have to marry that homeless guy downtown. I know he's a Christian, and he could be praying to marry me. I'm worried.......

Taylor said...

I think that the Duggars are a very nice family but I don't agree with their ways. I don't see how such a religious family is exploiting their children on tv for financial gain. I feel like they had all these kids to do all the chores in the house. The kids are like little slaves. I don't agree in having as many kids as God gives you. Having 18 kids is absolutely ridiculous. I don't think it's great at all. If something happen to Jim Bob or Michelle how would one of them take care of all those children by themselves. How many more kids does Michelle plan on having? She is 42 years old. She's lucky that all of her children after she turned 35 have been healthy. The children are so sheltered from the real world. You can't hide your kids from the world. The older kids don't work and they aren't allowed to go to college. They are like trained puppets who have been brainwashed.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, why would I be jealous of trailer trash that has a show centered around telling people they're going to hell.

Anonymous said...

Idiot, you should be glad that if your daughter chooses abortion, she won't die because you were a bad enough Christian to want it made unsafe.
GOOD PEOPLE ARE PRO CHOICE AND ARE GOOD ENOUGH CHILDREN TO THEIR MOTHERS TO KNOW THAT IT WAS THEIR RIGHT TO CHOOSE ABORTION WHEN THEY COULDN'T SURVIVE OUTSIDE THEM. IF THEY DON'T, THEY SHOULD GO BACK TO NAZI GERMANY WHERE THEY'RE IDEAS ABOUT ABORTION ARE LAW! Are you still proud that you don't care if your daughter dies of an abortion?

Anonymous said...

Michelle is just a big old vagina with no "off" switch. She has all the fun and the older ones have to raise the younger rug rats. Pathetic!!!

Anonymous said...

Look, what does it matter what they do!!!!! They have made the choice to allow God to decide how many children they have. Would you rather their religion tell them to become suicide bombers???? Seriously get over it and quit wasting your time on here complaining about things you have no control over. They are going to continue having children, and you do not get a say in that. So keep flapping your jaws on here, but they are a wonderful family that will continue to be blessed. Have a nice day, and try not to be so bitter. There is nothing you can do.

Anonymous said...

This site is hilarious! After watching the "Anna's pregnant"
show last night I felt like I Had been watching a documentary about a cult. OMG---poor poor Anna had benn desappointed SO MANY times before when she took pregnancy tests that she had Josh read it. WOW, you've been married fro 3 months when you FINALLY get knocked up, must be rough to be so unfertile. This family is like a bunch of rabbits. Also, I was disgusted with the way the wheeled out the dying grandfather for the camera. The man was completely incoherent and they were parading him around for the camera. NICE.

Anonymous said...

You are very rude!! They are an amazing family. They (& i as well) believe in saving yourself for your husband, as well as saving your first kiss for your husband on your wedding day, when you've been pronounced husband & wife! as well as being modest. Anna's dress was Modest, beautiful, stunning...she looked amazing in it! They are a great couple! you should be ashamed for saying the mean things that you said about them!

May The Lord bless there marriage & Give them strength, wisdom & courage as they welcome there little one into this world!

Anonymous said...

hey plumbob.... pick on someone ur own size!!!! ok you haven't gone thru this experience in order to be talking like that!!! why you bothering people with ur lame comments!!!! you must be a very bored person with nothing to do, besides the computer skill that you have posting those things!!! (wow... what a talent?[sarcasm])

Anonymous said...

you must be very bored!!! i can tell....

Anonymous said...

hey plumbob.... pick on someone ur own size!!!! ok you haven't gone thru this experience in order to be talking like that!!! why you bothering people with ur lame comments!!!! you must be a very bored person with nothing to do, besides the computer skill that you have posting those things!!! (wow... what a talent?[sarcasm])

created2worship said...

Plumbob,
While I agree that you do not seem to be jealous of them, I would argue that you do seem to greatly misunderstand them and their values as well as the nature of the comments of advocates of the family. In order to write a more informed post, I would advise you to consider checking a few facts right about the family first. The episode entitled, "You Ask, Duggars Answer" would be a good place to start. Also, I recently found a really interesting article featuring an interview with their production crew on their Discovery Health website. Here is the link: http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/duggars/production-crew-q-and-a.html. As as personal note, I have been on both sides. Admittedly, I first started watching the show as a form of entertainment after watching the episode in which Josh gets engaged. I thought it was painfully awkward, but I decided to watch more (with my boyfriend) just for kicks. As we continued to watch it, however, we realized that there is a great deal about that family to admire, and they have quickly become great sources of inspiration for us. I am 20 years old. My parents have always encouraged me to date, get a college education, and make a highly successful career for myself before even thinking of marrying or having children. While some of that remains important to me (being educated and having the ability to choose a career path is always a good idea), I have come to deeply appreciate the significance of placing total trust in One who has a far greater knowledge of me and my future than I could ever imagine and trusting Him entirely. This becomes easier every day as I see my peers struggling with temptations and hurting when things don't go as planned. There is no need for that. My duty as a woman and a child of God is first and foremost to love Him with all my heart then to love my neighbor as myself. To me, this means preparing myself academically for whatever future He has intended for me, saving myself entirely for my husband by dressing modestly and dating intentionally, and preparing myself to be the best wife, mother, friend, co-worker, daughter, and any other role He allows me to fill. Furthermore, what is also amazing is that my boyfriend supports me and is encouraging these changes. It may mean no more kissing temporarily, but neither of us can dispute the long-term benefits, and plus, our relationship has never been stronger! Lastly, it is a blog. The vast majority of people do not follow the strictest standards of grammar or MLA guidelines while posting comments on the internet. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Freedom of speech is indeed a wonderful thing.

Laura :-) said...

This is so rude- it shows how uninformed you are. The Duggars allow their children to make their own choices- and due to their up- bringing, they choose to be conservative as well. Put it this way:
If you were raised in a home with
swearing parents who watched movies all day, you would probably think it cool and *normal* and do the same- nobody made you do that. You just picked it up from example.
Same with the Duggars- they just live a different way. Why can't you be tolerant of their differences? Since we all think and act differently from family to family, just get over it!
About thinking 20 year olds are kids, I think you're the real kid- by saying that, you prove you're the kid!
Also, about the Duggars and their house as a church- they do actually host church in their house!
Have fun on Judgment day when you answer for your whole life (aka this blog)

created2worship said...

On the flip side, it would be really great if we didn't all go after each others' throats. Every person is entitled to his/her own opinion, and again, one of the great beauties of our country is that we do have the right to express them in whatever non-violent way we choose. This blog obviously falls well within those lines! "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men."--Romans 12:18.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone not recognize a parody? That's what this article is. The Duggar's have made themselves available to ridicule. No one would give a hoot how they dressed or how many kids they had if they didn't make their family into the modern version of a circus sideshow. People watch this show for the same reasons they went to see "freak shows" at the turn of the century. It would be rude to make fun of PRIVATE people who chose their lifestyle. But they have received the financial rewards of being TV stars, one of the downsides of that is that you might get made fun of. Ask Brittney Spears about that.

Anonymous said...

U ass! How dare u hurt a regular family. i am so sorry that u had trouble coming out to ur religious family bcuz its fags like u who make the world bad not loving caring generous people who live to make the world a better place (i wonder how many times u and ur little boyfriend have gone to a poor country to spread joy. To everyone who makes fun of the Duggars, u are all sick, heartless people!! People like u need to be put in ur place! GET A LIFE!!!

Anonymous said...

NurseCook,
You crack me up. You have the intellect of an 8 year old.
Thanks for the entertainment.