Friday, 26 September 2008

It's a Duggar Wedding Craptacular!

It's Josh Duggar's wedding day!

Gee, it seems like just yesterday he was talking about finding a life partner and becoming a lawyer. Now look at him! He's getting married and working at a used car dealership! *sniff* They grow up so fast, and before you know it they have children in the double digits and are buying their first family bus.

In honour of this happy, happy day, I am thrilled to bring you a preview of the festivities:

Anna's wedding dress:


The wedding cake:

The page boy:
Those Duggars, so generous. They know a wedding is a perfect opportunity to bring in the lost souls of the cameramen who will be filming for the Discovery Channel. Just make sure little J'Duggar doesn't block the shot of the happy couple sharing their first hand holding.

My gift to them:

Wedding night jitters? Worried about fullfilling your wifely duty while also remaining modest? Choose Fundie Undies! The only underwear that allows you to sanctify your union without uncovering your shame cave or having to see his god stick.

Bonus special preview, this time next year:

J'Double J'Wedding!
In an extra special sweeps episode of Survivor:Uterus (The All-Star, All-Duggar edition), how will the Duggars plan for the double wedding of twins Jana and John-David to their respective beloveds while also managing heavily pregnant Michelle and Anna Duggar? Will the twins make it down the aisle before the Matron of Honour and
the mother of the bride and groom go into labour? And can they keep John David and his intended apart before she works out he is a little bit 'special'? Whatever happens, you can guarantee there will be fun, laughter and ankle-length skirts for all concerned.

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Slutty Sims: The Only Little Whorehouse in Town

I haven't posted about my sims in quite awhile, although I have been playing them (I'm always playing them). Some time ago I started a brand new neighbourhood, North Haverbrook. I created 8 unrelated sims. I randomised their age, gender and aspiration (How? Through dice and lists and coin flips). I was left with 2 elders, one man and one woman. 2 adults, one man and one woman. 2 teens, both girls. One child and one toddler, both boys. I gave each sim $5000, grouped them into households and moved them in. North Haverbrook had a simple, yet complex, goal: to develop a sim economy in which money is finite. No more pennies from heaven, such as how the game allows life insurance to be paid out upon an elder's death, or children to bring home wads of cash from school as presents from anonymous relatives. No town with 17 mayors, all being paid huge salaries and bonuses but with no sims ever paying any taxes to support them. it just wasn't realistic. Money has to have a source, and for one person to become rich, another has to be poor. Sof or North Haverbrook, sims could only sell things or perform services to other sims. The only way the economy could grow would be to sell to townies (foreign investment) and I turned off townie respawning so once the initial townies died off that well would be dry.

Norma Turner, the old woman, took on the two little boys, Jonathan Stewart and Stephen Colbert. She fished from a pond in her garden and started a successful fish market from her front room.

Hal Albertson, the old man, lived with the two teen girls. They grew and sold vegetables, and Hal was the town repairman.

The two adults married and started a furniture store.

With Norma too old to breed, it was up to the other 7 to populate their town. Townie interbreeding was not allowed, so all women had to have at least one child by each male in order to provide some genetic diversity. This was very successful, and I have now played this neighbourhood to the point where all town founders have died and their grandchildren are running successful businesses. Even though I had 2 blondes and a redhead in my founding group of 8, the overwhelming majority of my North Haverbresians had black hair. I had a small handful of redheads and a lone blonde. I married off my blonde, Ava Stewart, with a blackhaired Liam Colbert, who I knew was likely to carry both blonde and red genes.

They had 13 children, including 4 sets of twins.

I barely remember all 13 names. I think it is: Trent, Beth, Lorraine, Maya, Dylan and Gage (twins), Zachary and Freya (twins), Lola, Hugo and Isadora (twins), and Samara and Chloe (twins). This picture definately shows Liam and Ava with Beth (redheaded teen), Lorraine (black haired teen), Dylan and Gage (redheaded twins), and Lola (my lone blondie). I'm guessing that the baby is either Samara or Chloe.

Not long after the youngest two were born, Ava grew up into an elder. You would think 13 children would be mission accomplished, right? Wrong. Right after she had aged, Liam rolled the want to have another baby.
Sorry Ava, your 13 efforts just weren't enough.

Being that I am evil and love naming things, I decided to satisfy Liam's craving for more offspring. All the other sims in town were already paired off so I didn't have a fertile young thing on hand, so I did the next best thing. I allowed inbreeding. It's easy to do if you know how. Insim allows you to sever family tree links so they don't recognise each other as family. It's like getting them really drunk and putting on a Barry White CD. As anticipated, Liam impregnated a couple of his teen daughter. What wasn't anticipated was that other Colbert daughters were impregnated by their brothers, and then they seemed to be invited over neighbourhood men and getting pregnant with their children also. It was like they had been give a cocktail of sim fertility drugs, sim viagra, and sim spanish fly. By the time Liam died, he had an extra three children, but he also had 14 grandchildren.

Lola, my sweet little blonde (seriously, 13 children, 3 children/grandchildren, and 14 grandchildren and only one blonde?), was impregnated by her brother Hugo and had a little redhead daughter, Sarah.

(This post was in draft form for two years and I no longer even remember these sims. Posting it unfinished anyway!)