Sunday, 11 May 2008

We're gonna need a bigger quiver

So did you hear? The Duggars are expecting their 18th little arrow!
In honour of this occasion, I decided to try for a bloated quiver of my own. No, I didn't go out and get myself knocked up (in fact the mere thought of Mrs. Duggar's poor overworked uterus makes me instinctively cross my legs), I did what I always do: create a new sim family!

Meet Jimbob and Michelle Duggar. The newlyweds purchase a block of land and build a simple home. They don't yet have a large brood of children so they have no significant income, so they can't afford any luxuries, like comfy sofas, curtains, or floor coverings.

But they are pious people, and each night Michelle receives Jimbob's Godstick into her shame cave and accepts his righteous seed, and soon the children start coming.
Four children so far (Jigolo, Jorja, Joey Joe Joe, and Juno) and one on the way. Hang in there Michelle: you just need to birth eight or nine and then the oldest can raise the youngest! Note that their bank balance is $4 and they only have one crib.

Prematurely, the girls seem to be born with bags under their eyes. They haven't even been buddied up or assigned jurisdictions yet.


Come now Jorja, Joker, Joey Joe Joe and Jigolo, Mama and Daddy are busy doing God's work.
Jigolo chats with a passing neighbour girl. With a nice biblical name like Naomi he expected her to be the type of girl he might bring home to his parents, but then she had to go mention the evil that is television. Jimbob looks on disapprovingly. (Later when I wasn't looking Jigolo and Naomi woohooed in his parents' bed. Naomi, though only 14, is married with a baby daughter. Sin in the camp!)


The children keep coming, and soon Jimbob and Michelle are 14 children and pregnant again! With the birth of number fifteen, Joyless Childhood, they hit payday and receive $50 000 in charitable donations and media appearance fees. They finally can afford floorboards, windows, and most importantly: a home church.
Bible time with Daddy: the highlight of the Duggar day. Jimbob vows to storm the whitehouse to ban contraception and introduce legislation that would redefine the moment life begins as the instant you consider having sexual intercourse. Also, to smite the homosexuals.

The Duggars receive payouts for #16, #17, and #18, and they are finally able to afford a bed for each child and even some toys for the boys.
They finish up with eleven boys and seven girls: Jigolo, Jorja, Joey Joe Joe, Juno, Joker, Jam Sandwich, Joystick, Judgement, Jherkin, Jurisdiction, Juggar, Jeorge, Jilliterate, Joyless Marriage, Joyless Childhood, Jackpot, JonBenet, and J'Probably Gay.

(Yes, I know Joyless Marriage and Joyless Childhood are pretty similar, but that never stopped the Duggars. Joseph and Josiah? Joy-Anna and Johannah?)

So now I have a house of twenty sims that are all kind of ugly. Maybe I should introduce a deadly virus and have a game of Sim Survivor: Arkansas.

3 comments:

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kellyvalin said...

Ha Ha. Love it! where did you get the hair styles and the pulpit from? I'm an avid simmer so I'm on the lookout for new items.

Devyn Karyn said...

Where did you get all your fundie sim stuff?? I'm admittedly to lazy to find it myself