Thursday, 14 February 2008

Quiverfull Sims: The Montgomery Family Part 2

Mercifully, Isadora Montgomery (nee Griffin) has reached the end of her fertile years. Her quiver has been emptied. Her uterus has prolapsed. She is an unwoman.
She achieved a brood of twelve children, thanks in large part to three sets of twins. I probably have pictures of all of them but I doubt I could tell them apart, so here is a handy list:

  1. Ezekiel. He's the firstborn child. He's got a natural leadership quality because he has so many siblings beneath him.

  2. Jude, twin to Mary. He's mellow.

  3. Mary. She's the firstborn daughter. She is very capable, and has had a lot of practice parenting raising helping to raise buddying young children.

  4. Joshua, twin to Sarah. Enjoys pickles.

  5. Sarah. Does not enjoy pickles.

  6. Luke. He has 4 sisters right below him, so he's already a little patriarch in the making.

  7. Claudia. ??? Cleans the toilets and bathtub.

  8. Ruth, identical twin to Naomi. Wears frills and lace and feminine things to show others that she is a girl.

  9. Naomi. Likes to use words to express herself. (Although the words are in Simlish so I can't tell what she's saying.)

  10. Rachel. Enjoys pickles.

  11. Elijah. He's a toddler so he's busy!

  12. Thaddeus. Mellow, but does not like pickles.

Rotting food on counter? Check.

Screaming baby left on floor with dirty diaper? Check.

Unqualified youth dangerously attempting to fix electrical equipment? Check.

When I'm grown up, I want a quiver this big!

Jude, what are you doing?! That's not your jurisdiction! Have you forgotten our little family meeting about gender roles? And Isadora, why are you working? You are clearly pregnant and have several daughters over the age of 7 and capable of cooking for the family. Besides, that fish looks far too fresh. It should be processed and crumbed and served as fish finger casserole.

Look out, it's a Democrat!

It's never too early to give your son a Financial Freedom Seminar. Jude (left) is complaining about a bed. It could just be that he is tired, but I choose to believe he is pissed at having to share a dorm-style room with 4 brothers. Mary doesn't seem to be thinking about anything. The process is complete and she should now be married off.

"Now that you know that abortion and debt are naughty, have you considered running for political office, my son?"

Neglect! Somehow I forgot to make sure Luke was enrolled in the homeschool, and he spent the day at the secular public school!

Jude and Ezekiel team up to open a car lot, selling to impressionable alien children.

I assume what is happening here is some kind of lesson in sex education for Joshua and Mary. The baby(Rachel? Elijah? Who knows?) is there as a '...and here's one God prepared earlier'.

Yes, I would be depressed if I were you too, Zeke.

A typical family scene. Isadora and Xavier are about to ask God to open the womb and guide the Jesus jizz straight to the sacred ovum, while the older girls raise the chilluns, the boys get in the way, and a neglected and smelly toddler screams.

With another birthing completed, Isadora hands off the little buddy to the big buddy. You'll notice that the Montgomery family uniform is green polo shirt/khaki slacks.

Luke rebells by kicking over the garbage can, while having angry thoughts about family and toilets. I can only assume this means the title of his tell all book will be "12 Children and only 2 toilets: My Childhood Spent Waiting in Line".

I guess there is only so much neglect you can allow before someone calls the social worker. The five youngest children of the time (Thaddeus was in utero) were whisked off to the adoption pool. Xavier used his local connections to have them brought back. (Translation: I cheated to get them back. Because, damn it, if I'm going to go through all that fuss to have a dozen children in the first place and then half of them are taken away I may as well just have a fundie bonfire with the remaining kids).
Even so, I think they may have to take this as a sign that the government is trying to infringe upon their rights to raise enough children to fill a clowncar. Time to move out to the back hills. So long Quiverfull Sims, hello Waco sims!

I'm beginning to think it is just not possible to have a Jimbob Duggar family 14 15 16 17 children. Maybe it was because of the homeschooling (which barely happened, to be honest. The girls were too busy cleaning and chillun-wrangling and the boys sold cars and played games. Lucky they are not college-bound) and the fact that the girls were not married out, but I found this family much more annoying to play than any of my other large families. I kept on sending the least skilled sims to mend electrical equipment in the hopes of a fatal accident, but alas it never happened. Maybe God loves them?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's possible, I had 33 once. Horrible idea.